Teasing Tesla
by chartreuseian
Summary: "If a lightbulb ever had a bright idea, Nikola Tesla would appear above it." Just a bit of fun... ONESHOT


**I stumbled across a website tonight called 'Forget about Chuck Norris, let's start Nikola Tesla jokes.' Needless to say I was amused. This is silly and pointless and has some obligatory Teslen action because, like, ya know... Set after the de-vamping so that Kate doesn't end up dead. Because she so would otherwise. And I know it doesn't make too much sense but it was fun to write and after all the angst I've written today, I needed some crazy XD**

**The majority of the jokes come from this website and I do not own them but I do love the people who wrote them. Y'all are brilliant. **

**Also don't own Sanctuary. (ONE DAY IT SHALL ALL BE MINE... hopefully :P)**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

**(And happy 30th published story to me :P Considering I only found ff in June, I'm rather impressed with myself XD)**

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><p>"None of you respect my genius!" Nikola thundered, spinning around to lecture the rather bored looking audience he had commandeered.<p>

"Yeah, whatever. Can we go now?" Kate asked as she slipped off the stool she sat on.

"Not a hope in hell, missy," he hissed, hands on hips.

"Look Tesla, what do you want us to do? We said we're sorry," Will said, sounding tired.

"Yeah, how we're we meant to know that the _steak knives_ you'd set out on the table were part of an experiment?" Henry put in and Nikola almost growled at him. What had started as a simple chastisement of their attempt to clean up the kitchen had now evolved into a 23 minute lecture on their failings in general.

"You are meant ask, Wolf Boy, not just assume that you know everything," Nikola said, prodding the young HAP in the chest. "You children need to learn to _ask_ before taking things that don't belong to you."

"You weren't even in the room, how should we have known what was going on?" Kate said angrily.

"Insolent!" Nikola roared, gesturing widely and knocking several pieces of equipment off the table in the process. "Were none of you every taught to respect your elders? You, Wolf Boy, were raised by Helen, surely she taught you what respect is," he said scathingly.

"It's a new century Vlad, you need to catch up with the times," Kate said, jumping in before Henry could respond.

"I am a genius!" Nikola yelled at her, arms flung wide. "Half the technology you so heavily rely upon is only available to you _because _of _me_!"

"Are you the reason the world spins too?" she asked bitingly, stepping closer to him. "I mean, we all know that if a lightbulb ever had a bright idea, _you'd_ appear above it."

Henry and Will sniggered at that. Nikola simply glared.

"Hell, we all know that Edison created the lightbulb but only us _special_ few know that Nikola Tesla invented Thomas Edison!"

"You, girl, are going to die a painful death."

"The great Nikola Tesla does not fear lightening, lightening fears him," Will deadpanned, earning himself a grin of approval from Kate.

"Where does cosmic background radiation come from?" Henry asked, joining in. "Tesla just HAD to fart during that teleportation experiment." Will and Kate doubled up with laughter not so much from the tasteless joke but from the livid expression on Tesla's face.

"Why did the dinosaurs die out?" Kate asked, slightly breathless. "Because they chose to mess with Tesla!"

"You are remarkably well preserved for your age," a kindly voice provided from behind them. Kate, Will and Henry all spun around, shocked at the sound of their boss's voice.

"Helen, you are the worst parent ever!" Nikola declared, relief evident on his face. "These infants have no respect!"

Helen merely smiled at him as she leaned against the door frame.

"I take it you found the website then?" she asked her team coolly.

They all nodded, looking sheepish.

"My favourite is: What do all of Tesla's laboratories have in common? They're the best known danger zones on the planet."

Henry, Kate and Will began to snigger and Nikola glared daggers at his old friend.

"Traitor," he hissed, furious.

"Why is Tesla never mentioned as a super-villain?" Kate asked with a glint in her eye.

"Because Magnus always foils his plans?" Will joked and Helen chuckled.

"That's better than the one they had!" Kate said, eyeing Tesla's brooding form.

"You will all pay for this."

"What do Tesla and Edison have in common?" Kate asked, her voice steady as she eyed off the fuming ex-vamp.

"I am going to kill you," he promised.

"Lawsuits," Helen answered, trying to hide a smirk as Nikola slammed his fist down on the table. "And while this is good fun," she allowed, "I was wondering if you realised that this is in fact a compliment to you Nikola."

"A compliment?" he echoed angrily. "This is blasphemy of the highest order. I am a genius and should be recognized as thus, not as the butt of some particularly hideous jokes!"

"Fine then, no more jokes," Will said with a smile as he turned to face Kate.

"In a battle to wits between the ex-vamp, Jack the Ripper and Sherlock Holmes, who would win?"

"I would," Helen answered with a knowing smile. The others all turned to stare at her, knowing there was a story behind this.

"Please Helen, you won a wrestling contest decades ago. It was no battle of the wits," Nikola bit back, still looking betrayed.

"Yes well, taking down all three of you on my own is something I'm rather proud of. And we were in the middle of London, in the dead of night. My wits were all I had."

"You seem to be forgetting that Nigel had you pinned to the ground and defenceless in less than three seconds," he reminded her.

"He was invisible Nikola, none of us stood a chance," she argued.

"Excuses, excuses," Nikola said, flicking his hand dismissively at her.

Sensing that this could go on a while, Kate grabbed Will and Henry and dragged them out of the room, going unnoticed by the bickering friends. Together they began to hurry down the corridor and away from the snarky comments they could still hear.

"Tesla vs. Magnus, who's gonna win?" Kate muttered with a smirk.

"Magnus for sure," Will agreed.

"Yeah but Tesla plays dirty," Henry put in.

"And you think she won't," Kate said with a wink. "She'll shut him up first but, ultimately, he wins."

"How do you figure?" Henry asked.

"Well let's just say I wouldn't go back into that room for a good long while," Kate advised and Will groaned.

"If that's what's going to happen, I think we should call it a tie. Because the only losers in that situation are us," he said with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked as they rounded the corner. Whether the voices had stopped or they were far enough away to no longer hear them, she didn't know and didn't really want to find out.

"Well, if you're right, Tesla is gonna get even more obnoxious and smug than he is now. AND he'll be around a lot more too."

"You think if we go back there now we could stop them?" Henry asked hopefully.

Then they heard a rather loud moan come from the walkie talkie Will held.

"Not a hope in hell."


End file.
